He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
I hate it when you make eye contact with someone bcs you are about to make fun of them and they take it as a hint to come hit on you.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
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