the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
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