this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
I can't believe you're fucking in the bar bathroom, but everyone else can, and they're really proud.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Alas, I cannot find a male suitor sharing my affinity for sport culture who will both manhandle me and treat me with the respect a young Hillary supporter wants and deserves
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
