Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
Either I'm losing my touch or ED is running rampant in 20 something men now
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
Randomize
