i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I got to work, greeted my staff, then went into the bathroom to throw up. Who hired me to run a business???
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I HOPE YOURE READY TO KICK SOME SERIOUS ASS AT TRIVIA NIGHT TOMORROW NIGHT. also, i hope the birth of your niece goes well. BUT MOSTLY TRIVIA NIGHT.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I wore a shirt that says "more tequila" to my bday party last year and that's why I want to be my own friend
I am playing in the snow in my bunny outfit. GET OVER HERE
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize
