Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
I HAVE to find her. I've got a pretty decent pic of her footprint on my headboard. Wonder if I can get one of the podiatry majors to help?
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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