new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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