dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
DIN'T JUSGE NE.
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Turns out floaties are a great thing after a couple bottles of vodka
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
Randomize
