I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
do you know how hard it is to walk a mile drunk on 151 it's hard yards are soft and every girl looks good
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
This is what you sent me from the other side of the pool, "Idk but thers a pool n l wanna get naked take off my trunks ill paddle with my dick"
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Officially not baby mama #3. Celebration is in order.
Randomize
