My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
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