My 3rd grade teacher, who was also my fav, thought i was in prison. That seriously upsets me.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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