Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
And then he used the flashlight app to illuminate me giving him head. Thanks IPhone
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
I asked what you thought of her and you replied not the biggest I have had
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
