Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
i haven't seen you in two years and we have like 16 hours, all i want is cuddles, wine, and some light groping
Randomize
