Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
you don't understand it took me an hour and a half to escape that bed, I had to memorize his sleeping patterns.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
You told his date she had the tits to be a stripper and the personality to be the pole. Of course he's pissed off.
have fuck
*fun
actually forget it have a fuck too it'll do you good
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
