Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
I bought the restaurant a boat airhorn to wake up sleeping employees.
I love you
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
Randomize