so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
i woke up with a wedding ring drawn on my finger...if this was vegas id be worried
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
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