i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
walkin home..,.jsut saw the cheshire cat
watch out for the queen of hearts
fuucck i forgot ab her
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Laurln. I am dying. I am npt alive. Adderrall is not a real thing. Death is a rwal thing which I understandably
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
