Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Just had sex with a girl from Italy. The only english she knew was Obama campaign slogans. Her screaming, "Yes we can!" as I was railing her not only turned me on but allowed my neighbors to know it was consentual.
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
Please come to class. I miss you and I have a horse mask
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
