I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
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