I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
Randomize