let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Guys always stop talking to me right around the point that if they bought me food a couple times I would probably have sex with them.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm literally trying to cool beer down right now in my car by putting it on my floor and blasting cold air on it
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
