my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
Why do you have to go to the hospital?
I gotta apologize to a male nurse who's tryin to press assault charges on me
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Hey mike is locked out, sleeping on the common room couch, no idea where his pants are nor does he know where he is. When you get this let him in? And let me know ur alive too!
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