Thats something to write home to mom about
Dear Mom, I had sex last nt w a girl that liked to b choked. Im n love. Cant wait for you to meet her
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
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