He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Just woke up. First thing I see: Little brother eating last night's jello shots thinking they're reg jello.
I was looking at some smoking pipes on amazon the other day and realized that work people could look at my history and do a drug test. So I immediately started looking at Sherlock Holmes hats.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hooking up with one of the deadbeat dads from Teen Mom does not qualify as banging a celebrity.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
She's currently doing somersaults across the kitchen floor without underwear on. We may not make it to the bar.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
