I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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