I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
I miss you more than I would miss junk food if I went on a diet. And you've seen me eat, you know how desperate I'd be.
Watching her eat just hurts me
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
It's all good. Going back to my room to try and air out my balls.
you should have seen it. it was just a bunch of guys in togas chanting the username and password to a brazzers account we all share. best thing that has happened to our group
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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