"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
Little spoons don't ask big questions
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
I learned an important lesson last night: Jameson giveth, but Jameson also taketh away.
Cruelly.
There were midgets. And vodka. If you don't appreciate the awesomeness of that sentence, read it again.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
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