If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
Blood and glitter go together right?
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
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