to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
I'm surprised they let us keep partying at that hotel bar, that's like the 3rd time I've had to try blocking the view of him peeing off the balcony. I earn my free drinks.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
So I said "fuck it" and made myself a sandwich
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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