TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
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