My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
just saw a guy try to order booze in his coffee at 8 am.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I can feel my teeth in 4 dimensions. I shouldnt be this high at 8 in the morning.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
He propositioned me for a threesome once so yeah I'd say he has what it takes to run for public office
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He unofficially told me he deleted his tinder because of me. I think that’s a pretty romantic gesture in 2018
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