he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
Randomize
