I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Leaving your birthday party to engage in a threesome IS allowed. I checked the rule book.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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