I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
