If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
she said your name and I thought she was asking me to motorboat her. Best. Miscommunication.Ever.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Randomize
