I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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