Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
Randomize
