She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
so my parents definitely heard me when I was cumming last night...
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