She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
I thought it was kinda weird that her ten yearold sister was playing bartender, but hey, the girl makes a damn good drink
How many ice cream sandwiches is an acceptable meal replacement?
2.5
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Why is there a whip in the kitchen?
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
