i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Randomize
