On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
dude, totally just walked home...using pizza as gloves
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
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