That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Well if were past the bullshitting stage yes if not then no I'm not that kind of guy
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
My final act is to send you this message. I love you. Tell my family that I love them. Except my dad. Tell him I said "Eh..." while rocking your hand side to side. And tell Tim that I will always love the idea of him. Tell Caleb I love him so. Take care of Miss Kitty Fantastico. Tell the world that I will watch over. Good bye. I love you.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
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