So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
God, you're like boner-b-gone
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We would be rich. And the whole world would be stoned.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
You wrote me a check. For zero dollars. For my soul. Dick.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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