i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
