I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
operation harelip BJ is a go
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
currently taking a solo cab to the strip club at 1 in the morning. this is healthy.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
I just got dropped off by that cop that pulled you over. Best sex ever! Consider that $140 ticket my birthday present.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
