my mouth tastes like poor choices
Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
As usual, I had to fight him for his car keys. Though this time he made it to the valet garage. All the Hispanic attendants gathered around and watched. Felt like I was in a cock fight.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Randomize
