I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
In reality u ask do u have beer at your house but what your really saying is will there be cock in my mouth
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
New low. Just realized I hooked up with a guy from Grindr in the hallway of a building my great grandfather used to own..
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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