I'm really into asian looking animals
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
My stomach literally has no contents left. Tequila cleanse=success.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
Randomize
