we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Meh. People are people bro. All of us are hairless psychotic apes. Happy 420.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
Randomize
