Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
The air was thick with penises
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Of course I have a pirate flag
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
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