so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Guess who used an inflatable mattress to boat across a retention pond with brooms for oars and a radio and beer.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Randomize
