the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Hello my rib-scented angel!
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
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