My dad hugged me and said I love u. I'm glad I didn't pull out that night.
he thought i was a dude.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
You had us pull over so you could pee, you proceeded to pee in some random persons front yard while yelling "im not ashamed"
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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