I'm gonna have a badass scar
First shot of my 21st. 11 a.m. in econ class. Success.
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
It's 3 am. Nothing I've tried can get the taste of failure and vomit out of my mouth.
Randomize