I never noticed this but I have a beauty mark on my labia minora
Please tell me how you discovered this.
I was looking in the mirror snooping around
I just farted in the dogs face to show him who's boss
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Like, what's the customary waiting period to hookup with your newly single ex that you never stopped hooking up with?
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
Sometimes you just gotta get high and go to a planetarium. Why can't he understand that?
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
i've hit rock bottom. Eating pringles and playing taylor swift on guitar in my underwear at 11am on a wedensday morning. Sober.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
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