Fuck that. Livers are so overdramatic and attention hungry.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize