his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
so i say "rick dont build that sandcastle" and he "says ok i wont" then i wake up and its sandcastle fucking city all over my apartment
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
That would make regret #10
He was more like the original regret
It's not socially acceptable to be drunk in adult world. That fact makes me die a little inside.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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