I think i sorta joined a cult last night
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
Randomize
