Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
I literally JUST MADE IT to the liquor store. I bought a box of wine with the lights off
Randomize
