The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
just saw my sister at the strip club... dont think she's "taking a night class over the summer"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
Someone shattered a urinal.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Send help, water and tortillas.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
