I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
third nipple confirmed
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
