So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
He's talking about how great of a find these dollar store condoms were. Help.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
