I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
Just woke up from a dream where I had lesbian sex with myself (a clone of me)... Take that, Freud!
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
I mean I could but due to my age and being a mother and all I feel it's poor judgment to give fellatio in a public establishment.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Randomize
