the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I'm not saying he was bad at sex, but I'm pretty sure I anti-climaxed.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
So I made him an imaginary sandwich and told him that the day I didn't have to fake it, neither would he.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
We had a company shotgunning beers contest in the parking lot today, and I won. God bless America!
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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