Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
I touched a dick in church today
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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