I figured he was gay when I walked in on him working out to Flirty Girl Fitness.
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
An image of us stuck like that like Pompeii comes to mind. A wonder for future anthropologists
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
It's gonna be like a sexual version of A Christmas Carol in my house in a few days.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
