I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
i must of done something right to please the booty call gods. . . maybe fucking that fat chick?
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Vagic. Defined as a kind of magic one has over a girl's vagina. Used in a sentence... he's an accomplished vagician.
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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