just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
She really thought E.D. was a sexually position.
No period for spring break; use this wisely.
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Zach, it's Lisa from work. Was that you yeiling BALLS DEEP at me on I-25 or is it just something about me that invites that from rando creeps?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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