it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
Becky drew a cock on my face and is making me sit on the step.
what did you do that she drew a cock on your face and supplemental questions why did you let her?
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
You know, I really only think drinking is a problem if you're not good at it.
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
Just broke into a house and crawled through a window. Upside: getting laid.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Randomize
