hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
She's riding a tiny four-wheeler and has a Dos Equis in her hand. I at least have to meet her.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I always congratulate people on their vaginal emancipation.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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