i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
False alarm it was margarita mix all over my hands not blood
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
