Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Surprise court date day!!! Wake the fuck up!
I woke up this morning and had to retrieve my clothes from the flagpole, they were using my boxers as a makeshift rally flag for drinking. Yeah last night was a success.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
Randomize
