Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Just stole a pregnancy test from Wegmans because I didn't want to pay 13 dollars to find out my life is over.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
Do you think I should make him wait for my responses or do you think sophomore have no concept of time like dogs?
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
We're both clumsy. What does this imply for our kids?
Helmets.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
He made me cum via FaceTime, then he made me look at his stock investment charts..
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
Don't make me do math I'm drunk and full of chicken
Randomize
