In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
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