I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
you did pass out in the elevator last night, so it could be motion sickness
Gentleman, we have a new medal category - number of women per day in apartment WITHOUT FURNITURE
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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