Just walked pass a bum on the way to a coinstar... awkward
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
it took us a while to figure out sex on a tire swing, buuuuuuuut MISSION ACCOMPLISHED
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
So who was trying to make it rain last night in the bathroom? There are pieces of dollar bill everywhere
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
You WHAT?!?!
Paid. A. Homeless. Guy. To. Throw. A. Drink. In. Her. Face.
I fucking love you.
Randomize
