after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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