some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
im seconds away from chugging that vodka and preforming the surgery on myself.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Girl please we both know I eat his bullshit up like its candy sprinkled with crack
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Randomize
