I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
ps if your frozen peas taste like crotch it's because some dude kicked me in the nuts while trying to do a keg stand and I needed an ice pack
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Just screamed wow while using my vibrator.. new low
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
I cant promise hot guys but i can promise alcohol which is close enough.
Randomize
