I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
I have a broken liver
I see that the whole "let's take a break from drinking" has worked out really well for us.
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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