Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
Come to office depot with me I need help picking out a daily planner that will help me keep all of my casual sex dates organized.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
