There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
