Im bringing wine tonight. Its from a merlot from nashville. i bet it'll taste like infidelity and teenage pregnancy.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
If by date you mean washing Pizza house down with a bottle of wine, then yes I have a date.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
You turn 21 at midnight!
This is better than being born!!
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
