I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
Randomize
