Apparently mediocre decisions were made last night. I woke up alone in my own bed with my fridge defrosted.
And I didn't go to bed alone. I am buckets of fail.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
Don't know whats worst me sharding on her a bit or her believing me when i told her she did it...
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
She texted me shhh....im drunk, secret booty call...how could i say no?
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Blacking out in the security line at the airport is not nearly as fun as blacking out in the lunch line at the dining hall.
Randomize