shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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