Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Is it weird to smoke a bong with a client from work?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
