I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
