they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
