I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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