They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
BIGGER SANDWIJH COME NIW OR DIE
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
As the bouncer was escorting you out, you yelled "keep your filthy dick beaters off me!"
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
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