They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
I feel like I got hit by a truck made out of Jack Daniels.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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