also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I feel like I deserve an award for facing my fear of penises in my face.
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
I found a bar with Metallica and a fire eater. I'm home
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
