Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize