just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Did you mark a random day on my calendar as National Seth Day?
Sounds like a legit day to me.
Randomize
