so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
i don't know how to normally transition into sexual activities without being drunk...
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
Yeah getting kicked out of the bar at 1 pm really set the tone for the day.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
