well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
It is a special kind of bonus when you find money you hid from yourself when you were drunk in the tampon box. What did we do last period?
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
the straight edge chick smoked with me, because according to her my bowl is pretty
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
To be fair, this is a tequila-while-rewatching-Benedict-Cumberbatch-as-Van-Gogh idea, so I don't know if it will hold up tomorrow.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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